I got fired for eating chicken wings. Recently! True story. Let’s start with the premise of that sentence “I got fired” I have only been fired from a job twice in my life, once in my twenties when I got caught on camera giving a free Heineken to my friend’s brother after the bar I was working at had shut the register. The camera showed me handing him a Heineken then him shoving it down his pants and walking out the door. I wanted the footage but they wouldn’t cough it up. Truth be told, they were trying to fire everybody because the bar had been held up at gunpoint a week earlier and they thought it was an inside job but I will admit, I gave my friend a beer and didn’t charge him for it. So TECHNICALLY I got fired for stealing one beer. Technically. That being said, I have worked in many bars and restaurants since then and have been a law abiding and, if I may add, well liked employee. I am not a compulsive beer stealer.
This time I got fired for eating chicken wings, my life of crime took a turn for the finger food buffet.
You know, it’s not so much that I got fired for eating chicken wings behind the bar (on Super Bowl Sunday- I mean c’mon) , it’s more the way it was presented to me. I get a call - hold on- I have to say one more thing. I was not making any money at this bar. I was coming in to my shifts with my awesome personality and fun outfits only to find there were no customers to appreciate me. But, like a good Irish Catholic, I stayed in this bad space thinking it could only get better. So I get the call.
Boss manboy: so always a tough conversation to have (really? You fire people a lot? Bad sign) but we are going to have to go our separate ways
( this $#*&% guy. acting like he’s breaking up with me when I am the one who is too good for his bar with no patrons)
Me: why is that?
Boss manboy: well, a couple of things
Me: can you tell me one?
Boss manboy: EATING CHICKEN WINGS BEHIND THE BAR, NEVER A GOOD IDEA
Me: thanks for the feedback
So here is my issue, he behaved like he just could not take me eating chicken wings behind the bar anymore, he snapped when he said it. I had only eaten chicken wings behind the bar that one time! Super Bowl Sunday! I mean - where is your sense of coolness, Boss manboy?
He acted like every freaking time I showed up for a shift I was carrying a family size bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and it was just such a chore to get me to put down my chicken to serve a customer. As if far too many times he had witnessed a full bar of patrons waiting for drinks and I am in the corner slobbering over my bucket of chicken like a mad woman, unable to see that I am skirting my responsibilities. A woman who just wants a public place to scarf down her food.
I told this story and found out one of my favorite bartenders at the Brooklyn Inn once got fired for rolling his eyes.
Now that is hard to beat.
It’s good to have something to strive for.
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Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed.