Last week my sister Kristen drove
me up to Boston for Thanksgiving, me and Butchie, the dog. I brought my king
size pillow with the satin pillowcase for the ride, Butchie’s pillow was
bigger. About 4 1/2 hours into the ride we were approaching our destination, Momma's house, when my sister said “I want to bring the dog to the park so I’ll
have Mom come pick you up there.” Nothing like driving over 4 hours to get
somewhere and 15 minutes before you arrive at the destination your driver says “Hey,
change of plans, I just realized I got a dog here who needs to run in the woods
so you, well you’ll have to carry on alone from here.”
I called my mother who agreed to
come pick me up by the woods in the park, identifying my location with “Kristen
said you know the spot in the park where the dogs are, that’s where I am”. As I
sat and waited, dog owners seemed suspicious. Who is the girl in the faux fur
jacket with sunglasses and a suitcase and NO dog? Murderer? Embezzler? Scorned mistress?
Dog snatcher! Everybody watch your dog, there’s a brazen dog snatcher lurking.
As my imagination ran wild, time passed. No sign of a forest rescue. My mother
called “I’m at the spot in the park by the woods where the dogs go and I don’t
see you, THIS is ridiculous. Where the hell……………”
I interrupt “I have a fur coat on”
She interrupts “It’s not that I don’t
recognize you! I DON’T SEE YOU. Where is Kristen?”
“In the woods”
At this point I can’t help but
laugh so hard I cry. I tried to catch my breath “Wherever you are, can you hear
My mother said “I’ll try one more
spot but then I’m GOING HOME”
Thankfully she found me. She pulled
up in her brand new jet black sedan. I threw my suitcase in the trunk. We
pulled into the mud and spun the tires as we took off. I think a dog owner
tried to get our license plate.
That was day one. Thankfully I was
not abandoned in any thickets or croplands or any other wild terrain for the
rest of my stay. Although I did see a field of willowy stalks that I thought
would be fun to run through. I verbalized the thought and my mother said “Would
you run naked?” which got me to thinking how little I do when I’m naked
Gotta change that.
10? I know of 2!
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic
living in Brooklyn where she owns a super comfortable bed. She spends most of
her time wondering where the hell her sugar daddy is and hoping he didn’t