I talk to my mother on the phone quite a bit. So much so that we don’t retain too much of what is said. I think we are both half listening.
Mom: so my recliner is getting delivered today
Me: you got a recliner? I said I wanted a recliner.
Mom: you never told me that
Me: yes, I did. I told you I wanted to get rid of my living room furniture and just have a bunch of recliners. As many as can fit in the room.
Mom: I would have remembered that. You NEVER told me.
Me: Really? How come you didn’t tell me you bought one then?
Mom: I did. I told you how the salesperson was not helpful so I requested another salesperson and it turned into a thing at the furniture store.
Me: I would have remembered that. You NEVER told me.
Mom: Well anyway, I bought a recliner from a very kind, helpful salesperson and it is being delivered today so I have to make a spot.
Me: Is it leather?
Mom: I’m not telling you anymore about it because you’ll just say I didn’t tell you anyway so what’s the point?
Me: you heisted my recliner idea
I still haven’t got my recliner but my dream of having a room of recliners hasn’t died.
The way I remember the history of recliner conversations went something like this
Me: I want to get rid of my couch and that chair in the living room and get a bunch of recliners.
Mom: Oh stop. You aren’t gonna do that.
Me; why not?
Mom: just a room of recliners? Who the hell is gonna sit in all those recliners?
Me: who sits on the couch?
Mom: a living room with an empty couch is a lot different than a living room with 5 empty recliners.
Me; I don’t think it would fit five.
Mom: Recliners are expensive. And when you are home, you’re in bed. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it.
Me: I’m never sharing my visions of a luxurious lifestyle with you again
Mom: a couple of recliners is your vision of a luxurious lifestyle? C’mon, go big or stay home. What’s that expression?
Me: Go big or go home
Mom: Go big or go home!
Me: I will be at home don’t worry, in my recliner. I’ll be a recliner recluse.
This reminds me of the time my mother and sister bought the same winter coat as me and we walked around looking like members of an outside band OUTSIDE BAND
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn. She owns a super comfortable King size bed where she sleeps, eats, and occasionally entertains.