I recently worked a temp job. The great thing about temping is you get to leave jobs alot. Hypothetically you could leave a job over 52 times a year if you temped at different places every week and isn’t that everybody’s favorite part of the job, the leaving? Temps get to do it over and over. Imagine getting to quit a job and go to another one that you know has an end date. How many things in life even have an End Date? There should be more End Dates. “Hi, we met at Sue’s party, do you want to grab a pizza Thursday? This friendship is merely a fleeting acquaintance, it looks like the End Date is May 9th. Oh May 19th, so we have a cushion” I’ll admit, when I temp I make a big to do about it being my last day, you have to, some places don’t even acknowledge you will never be there again. I can walk around going “It’s my last day” and people will say “Who is that?” Yes, it’s true some people don’t notice a 5’9 bleached blonde woman when she walks in the room. It doesn’t matter because I have the upper hand, I’m leaving! Some places really care that you are leaving.
Friendly temporary coworker “We’ll miss you. It was great having you here. Where are you going next?”
Then I turn into the Temporary Employee Cowgirl, I cock my head to the side and look off into the distance chewing on imaginary anxiety reducing piece of hay, eyes squinting against an imaginary sun
“I reckon I’ll have a few days of solitude before I hitch my wagon to another abandoned cubicle in the sky. I’m not sure where I’ll be heading next but I’m certain there’s an unorganized Executive somewhere who can’t find a time sensitive document on the hard drive
And if my mere presence outside the big office can affirm his or her importance in the heirarchy of the floor plan, well, I feel compelled to heed to the calling. You see, I’m not one to seek out the spotlight, I’m here to serve and when my job…”
Friendly temporary coworker interrupting “Ok Ok, I gotta catch my train”
Sometimes I show up for a temp job and I am confused for a high powered executive arriving for a meeting with another high powered executive.
Receptionist: “Good morning, you must be Trisha Coleman, our Founder is waiting for you. How was your flight? Can I get you some breakfast”
Me: “No, my name is Kendra. I’m a Temp”
Getting confused for somebody with a uber successful career and then having to explain that you are not that uber successful person, is a shitty way to start the day.
I bet Trisha doesn’t know when her job ends.
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn. She owns a $3000 bed where she eats, sleeps, and occasionally entertains.