Both my sister and my mother love to go to the movies. I find myself frequently disappointed by movies these days and then I get antsy and critical and want to leave. The last movie I went to with my mother, she spent half the movie whispering to me
“ You should see your face! You look angry!”
“ This is a comedy. People are laughing. Why do you look mad?”
“Oh boy, you with that face! You’ll get wrinkles like that ya know.”
I went to the movies with my sister today to see The Joneses. My sister felt we were running late because she likes to be there a good hour before the scheduled start time. She makes going to the movies a lot more exciting than it really is. We got off the train and it was like she was late for the last flight to easy street, darting through the crowd, arms flailing, looking around wildly trying to find the humongous 42nd street theater. We were still five minutes early. She sent me to the popcorn stand while she went to the bathroom, quickly! So as not to miss any previews. I will admit the seats at the Regal Cinema on 42nd street were worth the price of admission but the movie stunk. I couldn’t help myself from whispering
Me “This is stupid”
My sister, whispering back “What?”
Me “This is stupid. This movie is stupid. I mean c’mon. “
She turned back to the screen and ignored me.
I knew that meant I was there for the duration. The last time I told her a movie was stupid was Wanted with Angelina Jolie, who looked great. I said “this is stupid” and she said “ you want to leave?” and we did. We left and went drinking. Not today.
I resisted the urge let out an exasperated sigh. I tried to stretch my hamstrings while seated.
Fifteen minutes later I smelled my sister secretly eating chocolate, sitting right next to me, sharing an armrest but being stingy with her chocolate.
I whispered “ are you eating chocolate?”
She laughed and tried to give me a sweaty old M&M which she claimed was the last one.
I didn’t take it.
I did try to start up a conversation about where the M&M’s came from and how long she had been eating them but she wasn’t turning to look at me when I spoke anymore so I watched the stupid movie.
With a face on.
Repost from April 2010 - still funny today? I think Yes
Thanks for listening!
Kendra is a stand up comic living in Brooklyn where she owns a $5000 bed.